Me

When I was little, I idolized Pocahontas..
Haha.

Ugh. The Philippines is predominantly Catholic. And the stupid Church plays a huge part in politics.. although FORMALLY, that damn Church is not joint with the state. And so many politicians just go along with this because it gets them a lot of votes and many people won't vote for someone who seems un-Catholic.

Anyway, in one of the cities of Metro Manila, well Manila itself, artificial birth control was banned in ALL city clinics.. but not in private ones or drugstores. So all the ones who are in need of it, the poor, who have so many kids and can't afford it, can't obtain it. Stupid stupid stupid. They do promote the CALENDAR METHOD and ABSTINENCE, but what couple will abstain from sex? Is that realistic to even expect? Jesus. And why should they have to stop anyway! Okay so there is the damn calendar method, which is considered "natural family planning", although it is quite hard to practice! It is not highly effective too because it is hard to keep track of a woman's cycle! And there still are days when she is must abstain from sex! And many husbands don't want to listen!

The situation pisses me off. Why the hell aren't people allowed to decide what is right of for their own lives, their own future? This stupid mayor made some city ordinance... why is he imposing his morals on everyone else? This is birth control, not murder. If you use artificial birth control, are you violating anyone's rights? (Don't give me shit about violating a child's life -- the child does not exist yet!) And that stupid mayor, Lito Atienza, that dickface assface shithole fucker, he says that "number of people does not cause poverty". Is he shitting himself? He says it is caused by mismanagement. Sure, but it's not the only factor. That asshole was probably just pressured by the damn Church to implement such an ordinance.. and he listens. What cowardice! He has no integrity! No one should respect such a person!

The Catholic Church says artificial birth control promotes a culture of death. They should fucking realize that if we want that damn culture of death, we should be able to have it! They are a pathetic institution trying to hold on to their power! Who are they to impose their beliefs on the world? That's what pisses me off about this whole situation. It's like we're not supposed to have freedom. They want to be dictators! And they should realize that religion is just a mere aspect of society! They are not gods and true faith, love and trust only comes when it is from your heart! Not when it is forced upon you.

Freaks. I am also pissed at this country. I know that most people are not that educated and they hold on to their beliefs.. well, actually, many educated ones do too. But it is pissing off! Do they not see what is going on around them?

The politicians have no hearts, it seems. It's like they are soulless. I can't imagine that. They could've so easily been born into an impoverished and shitty life... yet they can't feel anything. They are only out to get what they want in this world. It may seem naive but I really don't understand how people can be that way. How does one exist like that?

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1812250,00.html -- link the article I just read regarding the situation here.

Oh and yeah yeah we are supposed to accept all religions and beliefs but one thing I hate about Christianity (and other Western religions) is that they are so damn puritanical! They think humans are like slaves to the gods and that almost everything human, like sex, is bad. It is only bad because we think of it that way! There is nothing wrong with sex!

Just heard about the Ping Pong Shows in Bangkok. Anyone else heard of it? They sound.. really crazy.. Women performing amazing vaginal feats like writing, opening Coke bottles and squeezing out Ping Pong Balls in front of an audience! And live sex shows.. Apparently, this goes on in the Patpong district. I knew Bangkok was famous for sex (it's supposed to be the sex capital of the world) and all that, but I didn't know about this. Haha, I'm so shocked.

Well I find it a little disgusting and many of the women performing are probably exploited to do it, but I can't help it.. I'm curious. I wanna see it for myself.

No, I'm not conformist.

..Yes, I have Twitter: www.twitter.com/shalinirules

I hate the Philippine Travel Tax (P1620 / $32) and Airport Terminal Fee (P750 / $15).. it's pissing off. You pay that much extra whenever you want to leave the country.

OMG! I was just about to sleep but then I was suddenly tempted to check how much a flight to Abu Dhabi from here through Air Asia, and then a flight from Abu Dhabi to Egypt, would cost in total. So I went to the Air Asia website and I was a bit impatient, it was taking a while to load or something. It is customary for me to visit many airline sites at once.. so I typed in www.cebupacificair.com and oh my Gawwwwdddd! They had the piso (P1) fare thing going on! You buy tickets now and fly from mid-June to September end next year and it's non-refundable and non-rebookable. Sucks, but that's how they make it so cheap. The risk is worth it!! Anyway, it's not really P1 ($0.02). It's P101 ($2.10) .. but that's still amazingly cheap.

I was sooo excited. I've been dying to see cherry blossoms lately so I immediately thought of Korea and Japan.. both fares were really low!! I was shocked and so excited! My heart was beating, I couldn't type so well.. I was quivering with excitement!! Haha well eventually, I chose Korea. I thought Japan might be a bit harder to get a visa for, plus I have many Korean classmates so I'm curious about what it's really like there. It only cost me $30 (with the airport tax for the Korean airport)!!! The flight's scheduled for September 3 and I return on the 10th. I should get a term break around that time. And I'll be going when it's autumn in Korea! I've never seen autumn before and I've always wanted to!

After a while of checking for other destinations and fares, I found out that Taipei would only cost $17.50 if I go on June 23 and return on June 27. Hahaha.. well isn't it obvious already.. I booked it again. The 24th, a Thursday, is a holiday.. and I usually don't have classes from Fridays to Sundays so yeah. :)) Yayyyy!! If anything comes up, I'll just try to find a way around it!

My dad has no idea. He'll probably freak out if he knew. Well I'll tell him next year.. hahaha. And I'm gonna save and spend my own money.

Yipee!! An hour or so ago, I was just dreaming of places I could go to! Now, I already have 3 places I am confirmed for: Malaysia, Taiwan and Korea! And no, I haven't forgotten about Abu Dhabi and Egypt! That's for summer!

Ah, what would I do without these dear budget airlines and their crazy promotions? I'll probably hardly go anywhere. Full service flights cost too damn much.. although these days, even they're bringing their fares down, in response to the competition brought on by these budget / low-cost airlines. They're still too expensive for me though. :)

I LOVE budget airlines!

I went out with my Korean friend, David, today. We were gonna watch Italian movies.. I thought there was a mini film festival going on.. but apparently, it ended last Friday. Ah well. So we watched 500 Days of Summer. I enjoyed it even though I've already watched it twice. Hehe well, I don't LOVE the movie.. I just enjoy it a lot.

Afterward, we just walked around and ended up having coffee (and a doughnut for me). Then we just talked and talked. It's not that easy to communicate though. He's not that good at English. Also, it's not just that.. it's the cultural ideas that go with the language.. those are difficult to explain. Well, I still enjoyed it. We met near the university and had lunch in KFC and then took two trains to the mall. I love going around (Metro) Manila with someone who doesn't know it well. I was pointing out where all my previous houses were in the city while we were in the train. Anyway, tomorrow, I am taking him to an Indian / Pakistani grocery near the university. It's actually the best one we have here. They have so many things -- Limca, Thumbs-up, plain lassi, many different kinds of mithai (Indian sweets), samosa, Amul rose milk.. and lots of other spices and Indian / Pakistani (I'm trying to be politically correct here, haha. The grocery is owned by a Pakistani but most of the customers are Indian, so yeah). Haha I am so excited! I can't wait to see the look on his face. Hopefully he likes some of it.. Indian food is so different from Korean food and many people don't appreciate it. We are gonna walk there. No taxis, jeepneys. It's not a very pretty area but it's part of the adventure, right?

Okay. I have to stop babbling on and on and do my accounting work. :)

I had to go to Marikina, another city within Metro Manila, a while ago for some community service orientation (I'm required to do community service for that Filipino in a Changing World spirituality class). Now, even though it's within Metro Manila, it's a city far, far away (okay, not really). It took me about 1 1/2 hour to get there, and I took a train (of normal speed) for half the way.. I was late.. but it was okay. Well I could've chosen to do community service elsewhere, but I wanted to do it there because this one had to do with waste management and all that. I was especially interested in composting. And I really care about the environment. The center collects garbage from their own community, cleans their own -- the center's -- grounds (it's a 3000+ square meter lot with lots of plants -- many of which are medicinal -- a tiny zoo, a tiny creek, a segregation area, composting area, livelihood area, etc.), segregate the garbage, compost the biodegradable waste to create organic -- not chemical -- fertilizer that they use for planting (maybe they give some of it away too, I'm not sure). They sell a lot of the non-biodegradable waste to junk shops, but with some of it, they create baskets, hats, etc. <-- "livelihood". Problem with these things they create is hardly anyone would use them. For example, the hats -- no one wears the kinds they made these days.. it was like a hat from the 1920s or something. So doing it in a larger scale to help the garbage problem is not feasible. But, through all their efforts, they reduce the garbage by 60 - 70%! Can you imagine?? That's amazing! All the communities -- barangays -- in the Philippines are supposed to have a center like this but not many do. Imagine the amount of garbage that will be reduced if this is done.. There are huge landfills around Metro Manila now and they just keep getting huge-r and huge-r. Scavengers -- I'm talking about people here -- help the situation though; they collect different items from the garbage and sell them to junk shops. It's the way they earn a living. They get anywhere from P15 to P50 a day I heard.. Because of them, at present, Metro Manila's garbage gets reduced by 15%.. I guess it's better than nothing.

Anyway, us students had to be divided into five groups to perform the specific tasks: cleaning, segregating, composting, planting and livelihood. At first, I thought I was in the livelihood group and I was extremely disappointed, I couldn't believe it. I hate doing crafts. But I was wrong. We drew lots after a few minutes and I got COMPOSTING!!! I was so glad! Haha. Well, the orientation ended. I hadn't had lunch or a proper breakfast yet and it was 5pm so my head was aching and I was a bit irritated. Well, after a while of looking for cheap healthy food to no avail, I gave up and began my commute home. As I walking towards my house, I saw a Filipino restaurant. I remembered the halo-halo -- a Filipino dessert -- I had with Dhivya in a mall the other week.. so yeah, I went in and ordered myself some halo-halo. It was gooood. I love halo-halo. It has beans, nata de coco (coconut jelly in English, I think), pieces of jackfruit and saba banana, coconut strips, evaporated milk, lots of ice and other things. I got mine with ube (purple yam) ice cream.. haha it's a Filipino thing.

Because my mom was born and raised here, I have learned to like many Filipino foods (mostly the snacks and desserts though.. not so much the main courses). A memory I have is of my mom, dad, brother and me -- my sister was not born yet -- always having delicious halo-halo after going swimming. Hehe, well it's just a little thing, I know, but I'm glad my mom taught me to enjoy halo-halo, taho, biko, ginataan, kuchinta, banana-q, cassava cake..

I had a sudden urge to write an entry but now I should really get back to my school work. :) Ooo.. here's a picture of halo-halo:

I was in school today and I had a sudden urge for a Coke (not Coke Zero or Coke Light, COKE!).. I remembered that there was a vending machine nearby and went to it. I saw another student standing around it, like he had a problem with the machine. I inserted a twenty bill into the bill pulling thingy anyway and nothing came out.. no Coke, no nothing. This irritated me of course -- I lost P20 and I wanted Coke! -- but it hardly fazed me. On the contrary, it made me more determined to get a Coke. Well I had to meet some of my Introduction to Art classmates and I remembered there was a Coca-Cola vending machine near our meeting place. I was late for the meeting already, but I just had to have a Coke, if only for the sake of fulfilling what I set out to do -- to have a Coke. So I inserted another P20 bill into the bill pulling thingy. The machine didn't want to accept the bill. This only increased my determination. I tried a few times and then decided to insert P10 worth of coins even though I didn't have enough for P20. The coins were accepted! Great! Then I decided to try inserting the bill into the machine. It worked after a few tries. Now I had P30 in the machine and I pressed the button for Coke. Hallelujah! A can of Coke fell out.. a WARM can of Coke! What the hell. I tried to collect my P10 change but nothing came out of the machine when I pressed the button makes the coins come out. I decided to give up since I actually did get a Coke, one that cost me P50. I kept the can in my bag and decided to save it for later. When I got home, I put it in the freezer and totally forgot about it.. until a few minutes ago when I felt hungry and opened the fridge. So here I am, it's 4.15am and I am finally having this (ice cold) long overdue can of Coke.

Have I mentioned that I love Coke? There was a day last week when I craved it for at least three hours. I didn't give in to the temptation though cause I was having cravings for Coke a few times a day, everyday.. bad, very bad. Yup, so this can is my first in days. I love carbonated drinks.. love the refreshing feeling of the bubbly gas-iness running down my throat. There's just nothing like it. :)

I watched 500 Days of Summer after my classes today.. I've been wanting to watch that movie for a while now and I was in the mood for something romantic.. :) I never like the typical romantic shit though.

Well it was a nice movie but I can't love or really like any movie unless I like / love one of the characters. But all the characters in this movie were just okay. I didn't like the girl too much though. She was upfront with the guy about not wanting anything serious, but I still think she was quite insensitive. She didn't even bother to explain her suddenly getting married to someone else to the guy. I felt really sorry for him, he really loved her. Oh well,.. Anyway, watching the movie, I saw again the magic of falling in love unfold before my eyes. Hehe, it is so sweet. Well, I wasn't the only romantic in the theater. I looked around and saw this young woman close to me smiling a big smile. Haha I guess I was smiling that same way too, in some parts of the movie.

Anyway, I really liked the music they played in the movie. Lots of indie / alternative stuff.

Ooo I love Oreo's when they're still crunchy and fresh.. dipping them in milk makes them taste even better.

Ah well I still have stuff to do for my Introductory to Accounting (Part 2) class later on. I'll also be having Business Math and umm.. my spirituality class.. it's formally titled "The Filipino Christian in a Changing World". Hahaha. If you're wondering why I'm taking it, it's because it's required -- my university is a Catholic one. I'd never take it if I didn't have to. :)

I'm watching Six Feet Under for the second time. I'm falling in love with it all over again. I think I understand it so much better now too. :) Nate is still amazing. Claire is annoying. Dave is conflicted, lost. Brenda is messed up. Ruth is.. extremely strange.

Ooo.. today I suddenly got super interested in soap making! I dunno why. I already told Dhivya and her cousin, Chucha (haha no, this isn't her real name) that we are gonna make some together soon. I'm so excited, I can't wait. We are probably gonna do it on November 1 or 2, because all of us will be busy before that. Since this is a Catholic country, both days are holidays (November 1 - All Saints' Day, November 2 - All Souls' Day -- or maybe it's the other way around, dunno). The 1st is a Sunday though so it doesn't count. Anyway I'm looking at recipes online and ahh, I wanna make all kinds! Oatmeal and brown sugar soap, tea tree oil soap, lavender soap, rose soap,.. sandalwood soap, cinnamon soap.. haha the list goes on and on! I wanna have a different soap to use every time I take a shower! I find showers really boring these days so maybe this'll perk them up a bit for me. :) Ohh but I'm gonna do it the easy way. I'm buying a melt and pour soap base (pre-made soap) so all I'll have to do is melt it and add stuff. I don't want to deal with lye or whatever. Haha, so I'm cheating! Big deal.

I value my education but really.. ugh.. it can be so boring and unmotivating.. going to (some) of my classes is okay, but coming home and having to do so much for them--not that I do all or even most of it--is disgusting. I like having a lot of time to myself. I am aware that this makes me a less productive person and I used to hate this part of me, but it's just the way I am. Anyway, I don't think I should appreciate / value myself based on how productive I am.. (although there's a limit to how lazy and UNproductive I should be).

Okay I should go sleep now. Have class later -- Introductory Microeconomics, Introduction to Art (it isn't really what it sounds like) and Personal Effectiveness 2.. <-- extremely useless class.

61 more days till I leave for Malaysia! :-O!

A while ago, I realized that there is a possibility of me being alone forever. I imagined myself, 15 years older, 20 years older,.. without a partner.. and it was horrible. It made me feel so sad.. so empty. I didn't want to do anything for a few hours.. didn't want to eat, didn't want to sleep, didn't want to walk, didn't want to go anywhere.. didn't want to stay home. And I am ashamed of feeling this way. Anyway, what made me feel even worse was the realization that just cause I feel so crappy about it, doesn't mean it's not gonna happen. My instinct that there is someone in this world for me could just be me believing in it because I want it.. and okay, to a certain extent, I think this holds true. But it won't stop me from having faith in it. I think it would be so stupid to lose this faith too, because I am still young... I've barely lived my life.

I just find it unfair that I've never experienced ANYTHING. Everyone is learning, evolving, and here I am, just developing theories and ideas on relationships. Is that the way to learn anything, especially if it's something so real? A lot of people say stuff like "it's better to be single", "love isn't everything".. etc etc. Well, they only know that cause they've experienced something! I haven't! I'd only be able to really understand and internalize those words until I've had experience.

The idea of turning into a spinster scares me. When I imagine it, my immediate emotion is of not wanting to live anymore. Yes, it's crappy to say.. not nice to hear.. weak. Even politically incorrect? There is so much more to life than love -- yeah, yeah I know. I've heard it a million times. Emotions aren't always politically correct, or strong, or nice to hear, or nice to talk about though -- and this does not stop them from existing within us.

I think our immediate reactions to situations are very instinctual -- it comes from our most primal, truest, deepest selves. That is why I don't think I should be ashamed of feeling this way.. it is a truth about myself I carry with me. And the truth can never be "wrong", because the fact of the matter is that it exists. This emotion is a part of me; being ashamed of it would be being ashamed of myself; denying it would be denying a part of myself.. and for what? To conform with society's standards of what I should be like? Bullshit, no thank you.

Anyway, I'm not saying I should go all out with my feelings and let them control me. I just think I should embrace it.. well, I already have, actually.. I've just been too much of a CONFORMIST to feel unashamed of it. I feel quite lonely from time to time, and it does affect me for a few hours, sometimes even a few days... Nonetheless, I always somehow manage to keep it in tow and to get back to my regular un-lonely self. I think there is too much of almost everything in me, which keeps me from feeling that way for a long time. There's too much wonder, hate, anger, appreciation, passion, love, restlessness, etc. for me to keep feeling lonely -- like I said, it's just one aspect of myself. I also still feel there is someone out there for me,.. and I am somewhat optimistic about my life.. so it all works out.. sort of. :)

I just realized that Thailand got me to rediscover my love for nature.. and now the love runs deeper. There is a quiet passion to it; it is less fleeting and more permanent.. it is much more beautiful, much more appreciative.. much more spiritual.

I am so thankful for this.

Posted them on Photobucket already.. here's the link:
http://photobucket.com/shalinirulestheentireuniverse

My family and I arrived in Bangkok on September 2, at around 1am. We took a taxi to the place we were gonna stay in.

In the next few days, we visited temples, a park, marketplaces.. restaurants,.. beaches.

The temples were okay.. I realized that without deeper knowledge of a place or a site, one does not appreciate it very much. I wish I read up more on Buddhism before the trip.. what does the statue of Buddha reclining symbolize (I found out later that it meant he was attaining nirvana)? What are the rituals, the symbols, of Buddhism? I went to the temples and was not able to appreciate it much because of this. When I went to India, I was able to appreciate so much because I was aware of what a lot meant. Anyway.. now I know..

But, I learned something great in the second temple because it had a lot of trees and plants and birds, dogs, cats and fish living freely.. Anyway I realized that that's how life should be. Everything should be free to grow, to thrive.. It's so beautiful, the spirit of the place is so different that way. What is it that we humans have done to the world? We are the most intelligent creatures on Earth and we have destroyed everything. We have made the Earth ours and ours only... when it isn't. It is for everyone! All the animals, all the plants. Even the creatures we consider beasts and monsters.. it is part of the Earth,.. part of why everything works, part of life. And yet we say that this is mine, this is yours.. what is that? What a shitty way to live! I understand that the world must develop, must progress.. but what are these buildings and artificial crap we've created? It's replaced everything! It is out with the circle of life! This planet works and is what it is -- the planet of life -- because whatever is produced, whatever is used, can be put back and returned to generate more life. We just create more and more trash, more and more garbage.. and where is it all supposed to go? Is it supposed to just sit around?

I know not everyone feels the same way about nature and life.. I guess I just have to do my part. It'll sound so extreme and stupid but these days, I don't even want to kill an ant if I can help it. It is life,.. for me, it is sacred.

When I was on the beach, I sort of felt the spirit of the earth. I looked out into the ocean and realized how everything is connected... and how it's been this way for millions of years... the waves crashing on the shore, going back, coming in, going back, coming in.. and I realized what a different world the ocean is. There is so much going on there I don't know about, it's amazing. We went snorkeling and I saw beautiful fish. When our tour guide threw some bread into the water, all of them came so fast. Hehe I love animals. I tried to touch them but they got scared. I also realized that it was their territory; I was just a visitor. It was theirs and I had to respect it. It's a beautiful realization for me, that I am just part of the earth, part of life. And nothing is mine exactly, everything belongs to this planet.

When I am older and on my own, I want to live in a place where life grows and thrives. Dogs, cats, birds, fish.. and other animals.. just living. The whole world may change but that place won't. Hopefully, I find someone who I want to share life with who also that kind of life. I dunno, it is so different, so peaceful. It is not the silence.. it's not the cleanliness or whatever.. it's something else.

Hehe well enough about my realizations for now. Let me talk about my trip. Bangkok is nice, quite interesting.. it had so many tourists, even if it was the lean season. We went to the night market, which had a lot of cool stuff and cheap food. Didn't get to eat there though, as my dad didn't want to. We bought some lansones, a fruit we get even here in Manila.. but the ones there are so delicious. :) We ate in Thai restaurants most of the time and I love Thai food! It's so exotic! Spicy, sweet, milky.. fruity.. very interesting dishes. Loved Phad Thai and the fried vegetables and noodles. Hehe I LOVE noodles! I love the way their cuisine incorporates vegetables into the food.. I don't have to eat meat all the time there. We also had some Indian food. It was good but of course Indian food is the best in India. The chai was nice though. Chaiiii! Haha. My dad had it after a long time and he really missed it.

We also took a boat up the Chang Apraya river.. hmm.. I forgot the name.. ohh, it's Chao Praya.. haha. Yeah so we went on a river cruise.. you get to see how many Thais live along the river and stuff. It was really nice. My family didn't like it so much I think but I did. Looking at them, I realized that life is what you make it. Before, I thought that you had to work hard, otherwise you were lazy.. I dunno why I thought that, maybe it's because I grew up with Indian parents.. and also, it's what society expects of you.. you work, become successful, raise a family, grow old.. but I know now that it's not really correct. Life is what you make of it. If you wanna spend your life not working so hard and living the way you want, as long as you aren't hurting other people, it's fine. If you wanna spend it getting drunk, well that's how you choose to spend your life, right? Who said we all have to work so hard and become successful (in worldly terms) anyway? Not everyone is like that.. I sure as hell am not. I felt so pressured before to become one of those successful, well-known people.. now I feel a lot freer.

We also went to Khao San Road, which is backpacker mecca, haha. I wanna try living like that for a while. :) My dad didn't like the place.. haha. He just wanted to leave.

We were able to go to a park in Bangkok -- Lumpini Park. It was so nice! Lots of trees, benches.. you could sit under a tree and read a book or even sleep there. There was also an outdoor gym with lots of guys working out. And a lake! With fishes, turtles and huge lizard looking things. We rode a pedal boat and it was veryyy nice! I love the place. You could just sit there and watch the fish or whatever. There were lots of pigeons there too and I saw some people offer them food from the palms of their hands and they weren't even scared to eat off of them. How cool is that?? The pigeons saw them feeding the fish and came. It was really nice... Wish there was a park like that in Manila. To think from an economist's point of view, it is very cheap entertainment. It is also located in the business district of Bangkok, so office workers could even have their lunch there. Or they could de-stress after work... Or people can go on dates there. Hehe, entertainment is quite expensive here in Manila. :( The pedal boats only cost 40 Baht for half an hour. Not that cheap but still great. We saw lots of people jogging there in the afternoon. Ohh and while we were throwing food at the fish, most of which were catfish, a turtle came near us and seemed to be asking for some. But every time we threw it food, it was too slow and the catfish were too fast, so it never got to eat. :( Hmm if we have pictures of the huge lizard looking things and the fishes and turtles, I'll post them on here.

Anyway there were lots of bad things about Bangkok too.. like the traffic! It is insane there, really. And people think Manila traffic is bad, hah. Also, they overcharge you like shit if you're a tourist. We went to the floating market and my brother wanted to buy curry powder -- he thought the one in Thailand might be a bit different from the one we always get in the grocery and yeah he wants to be a chef, so he loves all that stuff. Anyway, the lady selling it to us told us that it was 3000 Baht per kilogram in the Thai markets and she was giving that to us for 700 Baht. Heh, it wasn't that much! So the calculation wouldn't even make sense! My dad said that in India, you get that for only 50 Baht and so we refused and were already gonna leave so she brought the price down to 100. :S Haha. And it's not only that, the tickets for everything are quite pricey. One ticket to the floating market costs 600 Baht. How insane is that? And you go there to shop, where they all overcharge you. You go in a longtail boat which uses fuel, but still. The taxi and tuk tuk drivers also ask you for so much if you're a tourist. Insane, really. And when you shop in the markets, they also overcharge you like shit. I know it's like that in most developing countries known for tourism, but really! It seemed worse in Thailand.. Ah well there were so many westerners there, I guess that's why.

After five days in Bangkok, we left for Krabi. We missed our first flight which was for 10.40am... yeah, my dad got so pissed off. He had to shell out 5000+ Baht extra. Well it was partly his fault, partly our fault.. Ah anyway, we just went on the next one that left at 1.45pm.. took Air Asia. The airline is fine, really really cheap if you book early. So we arrived in the town of Krabi and took a van to Ao Nang. We stayed in a cheap place, not close to the beach. It was disappointing but yeah. We just took a shuttle to the beach and it was really nice. The sand wasn't white or whatever, and the color of the water not blue or turquoise or aquamarine, but yeah.. I liked it a lot still. Both my brother and sister were disappointed and I felt a bit bad cause I planned the whole trip. Anyway, the day after that, we signed up for a whitewater rafting tour.. It was really nice! We were on the river and it went really really fast! All of us got so wet. I've never tried anything like it before. The water was really cool and clean. But I was scared because of my experience in the Ganga River and also because an online friend of mine (Elijah) died in a river. Well I still swam a bit and all but I was very cautious.. The current was quite strong in some parts. My dad got a DVD made for 900 Baht of us whitewater rafting. It's soo expensive and the three of us thought it wasn't needed but yeah, he really wanted it. There was some misunderstanding though, he thought it would be of JUST US.. but when we watched the DVD, it wasn't. We weren't even there half the time I think. Haha. He was really disappointed.. he is sensitive about losing money so he felt bad. Anyway, after whitewater rafting, we got to see the elephants. They were soo big and nice and cute! We fed them bananas and they get them with their trunks and put them into their mouths and eat it with the peel! Haha my dad even got a "massage" from one of them. It's really expensive and hard to care for elephants though, they eat up to 300kg of food a day. 300kg! It's insaaane! No wonder a lot of people in the remote areas of Thailand and other countries in Indochina leave the livelihood that involves caring for elephants.. (I saw it on The Discovery Channel a few times). The elephants that are trained for these shows and stuff though, they're tamed.. when they get older, around the age of 60, they're released back into the wild.. but then they dunno how to fend for themselves anymore.. so many come back. Heh there are so many problems in a world that's progressing but still wants to maintain natural life.

Well, on the third day, we went island hopping. These were islands in the Andaman Sea. Very beautiful ones! The sand was white, and very fine in some parts.. the water was so green and blue! I couldn't believe I was there, it was like one of those places you see in postcards! The tour guide took us to four islands and I swam in all of them. The water was very very clean.. I already mentioned this before, but I also snorkeled and saw fishes.. Heh I was doing all of this in jogging pants and a T-shirt cause of my stupidity.. :) Don't want to explain but yeah. Veryyy beautiful! The water and sand seemed so healthy for the skin and all too. Hehe I didn't want to leave but we had to, of course. The Philippines has SO many islands like that too.. we might go to them sometime. Oh gosh, haha I can still feel the rhythm of the ocean actually.. the boat rocking gently.. I feel it right now! It's a bit dizzying. When I was on the plane back to Bangkok, I could still feel the waves on my feet, still hear the ocean.. I could still imagine the huge island that seemed to sprout out of the sea right in front of the beach we were swimming in. I am going back to such places someday!

I was ashamed to swim in jogging pants and a T-shirt but then I realized what I was there for: the waves, the ocean, the sand.. What I wear does not matter! It's just about being there and enjoying it!

Well, eventually we had to get back to the mainland.. went back to the place we were staying in -- oh yeahh! This place had a very very nice cat! It allowed us to touch it and pet it. On our first day there, it came into our room and jumped onto our beds and sat there, like some queen. Haha she just loved being petted and paid attention to. My sister, who loves to take pictures, took many of her. I'll post some here. Later in the night, she was walking the halls by herself, meowing.. I thought she was looking for us. So I let her into my room and she slept with me. Bothered me a bit for a while, she kept coming close to my face.. and she stole my pillow! I had to use the small one! Hahha. She was soo sweet. Before we left, I said goodbye to her. :) Hopefully, I'll have a cat like her someday.

Yeah so then we went to the airport and took our flight back. This time, we were early. :) Stayed in the Suvarnabhumi Airport (the main Bangkok airport) for 3 - 4 hours.. had dinner.. then took our Cebu Pacific flight back. I slept on the plane.. I was very tired. I didn't sleep properly for days in Thailand cause we had to wake up early everyday! And I am not used to sleeping early!

We landed in Manila, I got a bit sad.. Heh I really don't like Manila.. but it's also about being back to reality.. back to the routine, back to everything. Going on vacation is a bit like a dream... you're just free to do whatever and have fun the whole day. Well when we got home, our dogs were sooo happy. Haha, Savannah is so happy till now. Our maids said that she was sad a lot, just looking out the window, waiting for us. Both our dogs have never experienced being in a house without any of us here.. and for days and days!

I checked my grades online.. I passed all my classes, yay! Could've gotten a lot better, but since I got a low grade in my Accounting class,.. yeah.. Oh well, whatever. :D The next term starts on September 14.

I'm listening to Explosions in the Sky again. :)

Will post pictures soon.

I'm in school now... listening to Explosions in the Sky. Just had my accounting exam.. it was hard. I didn't sleep the whole night, I was just doing what I had to do for the class, but I still wasn't able to finish the exam. Hmm oh well. Not like I'll fail the class. :D

I don't really have the time to post something right now, I have LOTS of stuff to do.. but I feel inspired, so here I am. 

Since Priya, my best friend, doesn't read my blog, I'm gonna admit something on here. I'm gonna miss her when she leaves... I wish she wasn't going... She's always been my best friend but I've never felt this way before. I've always been sort of cold about our relationship. Well when she's gone, it's just me again. It's not so bad... it's just that I enjoy and value our time together more now.. and it's not cause she left -- it's cause I'VE changed. It's kinda nice actually, before I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me.. like how come when she left for Canada the first time, I barely felt anything? I guess it's cause all my insecurities were blocking all those feelings. Insecurities and low self-confidence are so shitty... it's not only for the obvious reason that you feel like shit, but also because you can't love or feel for others fully.. you can't give much of yourself to others. Well I'm really gonna miss her but I know our friendship is boundless.. even if she's in Canada and I'm here, when we meet again after a few months, it'll be like she never left. One more thing -- no one else has had more faith -- the deep kind that comes from knowing a person really well -- in me than her. And I really need that, I need someone to have faith in me.

Last week, I realized, after speaking to a Korean classmate of mine, that all of us have to -- or should -- stand for something in this world. Before, I stood for not knowing anything... but I only stood for it because it was convenient and because of my cowardice. See, with not knowing, you could always be right. You're never gonna be wrong, you're never gonna put your faith and energy into a belief that could be untrue or incorrect or whatever. When someone talked to me about spirituality or the Universe or life.. well, I could just sway from one side to another, since I didn't really KNOW. But then, while taking a shower before going to my classes, I realized that it wasn't about being RIGHT... it's about believing, having faith.. I can't explain it so well but I understand what faith is now. Who the hell is right in this world anyway? No one. No one knows anything. So I decided that I might as well believe in whatever I feel is true (within reason, of course) . I don't want to be a coward anymore. If at the end of everything, I find out I'm wrong, so be it. I guess I've always been searching for the ultimate, absolute TRUTH. But what is that anyway? If anyone ever "finds" it, it's still belief, faith in something.. emotion within them for something.. There's really nothing higher.  

I've decided to embrace the belief I've had within me for a long time... it's my belief in the spirituality of life, the Earth.. the Universe. The Lion King really taught me something, haha.. and that is the circle of life concept. I really believe in that now. I embrace my respect for nature, for the environment, for animals! For people! I can not change the world, I'm just a part of it... Just a part of this never-ending story. I used to think I was special but now I know I'm not. And I'm fine with it. I think the way everything works is beautiful, the way I'm part of something so much bigger, so much greater.  

Now what I want to do is come to terms with death. I always want to be ready for it, because it can happen anytime. And I don't want to die with any regrets -- that's the worst thing of all. Regrets suck! And, there IS so much I want to do in life but I want to be able to let all that go, because it's all temporary anyway and death is inevitable.. I don't want to fear it. 

Heh I'm just babbling on when I have such a long paper to write.. on spirituality. :P Except I don't feel inspired when I know it's for a class, for SCHOOL.

Gonna get on it now. 

Elijah, I miss you. Thank you for all the insights on Buddhism, spirituality.. on life.. you taught me many things, made me think of so many things.. Not many people can do that. Thank you for not judging me, for listening to me and chatting with me... You were such a good friend.. I really did want to do so many things with you.. Wanted to travel with you, wanted to cook Indian food with you, wanted to go to Batanes with you. These things are never gonna happen anymore. I'm sorry I didn't realize before today that you died. I'm really gonna miss you, I've already missed you. How is it possible that you and I are never gonna meet? When I read what your live friends say about you,.. wow, you sound so amazing. I wish I could talk to you still and tell you all the stupid things I usually told you. Wish we got to dance to Bhangra together... you would've been so fun to dance with! You know I really enjoyed that thing of you shaking your head to the Bhangra song, and even going on webcam for me and dancing it. Who else would do that?? And just for fun! I remember you gave me a tour of your house on webcam, and I gave you one of mine too, also on webcam. That was really fun, I remember when you even noticed the electric fan blowing the hair around my face.. I remember all the Youtube videos you linked me to.. to be honest, I got bored of many of them... but yeah. Elijah, where are you now? I wish we could talk and laugh still. I never got to show you around Manila,.. never got to eat ginataan and kuchinta with you. And you never had the chance to disgust me with the meat you liked to eat. How about Benny Benassi? You're the one who really got me to like techno and trance.. and now I enjoy it so much. Remember Explosions in the Sky and listening to music at exactly the same time? Haha you found me so strange.. always called me a sap. Remember the hug emoticons we used to give each other? And the kiss ones, the heart ones.. and the roses.. we were just playing around, not serious at all.. but it was so fun.

I really dunno if afterlife exists or if you are still out there, somewhere.. but I really really wish we get to talk again and to meet for the very first time. I feel like I lost something good, I never even got to meet you..

I still have the box you sent the caramels in. I'm never gonna throw it. Thanks for that... you were such a great guy. I'm sorry you weren't very happy at the end.. and you didn't get to do some of the things you dreamed of doing... but you made a lot of people happy. I was reading what your friends say, and you sound like a great person.. how come we never got to really hung out, huh?

It's so crappy, I really don't understand it! I want to be able to talk to you again someday!

Well I'm so glad I met you, even if our friendship was only an online one. I'm so glad that in the last few months, you and I got much closer and I was able to tell you things I don't tell ANYONE. You're the only one who knew that side of me.. and you didn't even judge me for it.

You'll always be somewhere in my heart, Elijah! I will never forget you.

I am going to Thailand on September 1!! :D :D :D Well that's if everything works out, but chances are, they will, so yeah. Yay! I am soooo excited. =)

Hmm.. now where should I go for December?

Okay I just made a mug of chai. It's not that good.. :( Chai in India is so much better.. I used whole milk and it doesn't taste.. whole.. In India, they also use whole milk.. and it tastes good. Freaks.. ah well I tasted the milk there, it tastes so much better than the milk we get here.. guess that's why..

Well this chai isn't bad either.. I put some ginger and cardamon in it, the way some Indians do. It smells like India at least.

On a side note, I don't like calling it tea.. just chai. I dunno, when I say chai, it seems magical. :) I guess it's cause it reminds me of Indiaaaa! -- the motherland!

I am making chai for the very first time! I fucking love chai. I can drink it all day.

For those who don't know, chai = Indian tea

This is something I wrote to a friend.. we were talking about soulmates, mostly. While typing it, I connected the ideas together and gained deeper insights on it, and also on myself.. They're two e-mails so it'll sound a little disjointed.

I just believe that somehow, it [the idea of a soulmate] will work out for me. Yeah it's illogical, throw me all the logic in the world,.. but I'm not denying it's illogical. I know it is. But so what? As if everything can be understood by our itty bitty brains. Just cause my mind can't rationalize it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist or can't happen. And I can't talk for everyone, others are just willing to settle so how does any of this apply to them? Others are just crappy shallow people, so whatever to them. I just have faith in it for myself.
Logic can be so overstated.. who do we think we are, that we can understand something as great and as complex as the universe and all the things that go on in it?
I'm not saying that we shouldn't be rational and shit either, of course we should be. I just don't want to be limited to it and I want to go far beyond it! Because I believe that there is so much that exists in this world that doesn't really make sense to us. Maybe in the future a lot of it will cause our brains are always developing, and science too. Still, I don't think we can ever understand everything.
So anyway my point is that no one knows, you don't, I don't -- we just think we do and at the end of the day, we choose to believe in whatever we want to. If we didn't like the idea in any way, we wouldn't believe in it.
And since I really think it's like that anyway, that no one knows shit, then I might as well trust some of the things I feel and want to believe in.


Dreams can happen, you know. Just not all of them.. and they're hard and exhausting to believe in.. they also take quite a long time to happen, so yeah, it's easier to just not believe for many.

You'll see, I'll tell you about my life someday and it will be amazing. I'll probably have to settle and give up some of my dreams, I know that's gonna have to happen for sure. But at the end of the day, I'd still be living SOME of my dreams, I'll still have not TOTALLY settled, I'll still have a greater purpose and my life will be so different from everyone else's! It will be greater! Maybe not on worldly terms -- success, money, stable home life and shit.. but on my terms.. whatever makes ME happy. :)

So yeah, if we keep talking, you'll see. My life has already been a teensy weensy bit like my dream anyway, these past few months. So it's possible.

Haha. :) Yup, I feel so happy reading it. A few months ago, this wouldn't have come out from me. I just didn't have a lot of faith in myself, didn't think things could actually work out. But now I have a lot of passion for life.. it's difficult to see certain things in the world many times, a lot of things bother me. Today I saw a skinny dog walking on the sidewalk of a main road and I felt quite bad.. things like that really disturb me. Anyway, yeah all these things really suck, but I want to live anyway. I am hungry, thirsty! And I have a lot of dreams! Just have to work hard, have faith and see where life will take me.

I'm writing all this stuff and I should be studying!! Ahhh.. okay, gonna go now.

Yay! I rule the Universe! Hahha that's not true but I love saying it. :)

I'm listening to the song Pjanoo (thanks, Aneevie!) by Eric Prydz now. It's cool. It's getting me even more excited!! And I don't even know what I'm really excited about! I guess I'm just looking forward to my life! I just wrote an e-mail to a friend and told him about my plans with my two close friends to visit India next summer and just imagining, oh gosh, it got me so excited! My heart started pumping! Haha. And then I said that if plans don't push through, I wanna go to Egypt and Israel. I was imagining floating on the Dead Sea, unsinkable, and that was wowww. Hahaha.

And I saw a picture of the Shiva statue in an ashram in Rishikesh, it got me even more excited! I love this world! Well, not always, but at this moment, I do! There is so much to explore, so much to see, so much to love, so much to hate,.. so many people to meet! And I am hungry for all of it! I wanna see the Shiva status, I wanna see all the temples dedicated to all the gods, I wanna see the place Jesus was supposedly crucified in, I wanna see where he grew up.. I wanna see the Nile River and Mt. Sinai! Wouldn't mind exploring the area Buddha was around either! Sometimes I get confused and dunno what to think about spiritual stuff, or even to believe in it at all, but I decided to just love everything! All of it can be appreciated, all of it is amazing.

I was feeling lost a few days ago.. I feel that way from time to time. I lose my path, forget my direction, and then I gain it back again. :) So I just gained it back.

I am here in this world, living, and privileged. It sucks that others are a lot less fortunate than me and nothing makes any sense in the big picture actually (to me, at least), but WHATEVER! I love what I love, I hate what I hate. I give my life its own purpose, I live for the sake of living.. and I am gonna make the most of it! It doesn't have to have a point, it doesn't have to make sense in the big picture.. because it has a point to me..! There is something eternal in me, in everyone. Even if there is no such thing as afterlife.. well I believe that all of us have something we contribute to the Universe.. some sort of depth or spirituality or force. So after hundreds or even thousands of years, when the earth might already be destroyed, or when my existence thousands of years before that will not be known, it won't matter. The essence of me will have already integrated with the earth, with the Universe. And if that ends or gets destroyed too,.. well I contributed, in a very very minute way, to that end. :)

I went to my classes today. Failed my quiz in accounting. =( Not that I was expecting to pass.. I was quite unprepared for the exam. I was absent for the class just once -- ONCE! -- last week and gah, I don't understand anything anymore.. I was just texting my friend throughout the whole class. Haha. It's a domino effect kinda thing, with accounting.. you miss one class and you don't understand the succeeding lessons. Unless you study the books that provide incomplete information yourself.. you'll probably be a little more prepared then. Well I was doing quite well in that class before that quiz.. Anyway I'm just gonna learn everything I've missed and do very very well in my next three tests.

I was hanging out with my Korean friend for the next hour or so, he's cool. I got him to listen to some bhangra, Bollywood film music, some techno.. =P Ooo and I lent him my USB flash drive so he could watch Jab We Met. Hahah I wonder what he'll think of it! It's one of my absolute favorite movies!! I've watched it thrice and it always turns me into a romantic sap.

Anyway after classes ended, I had to go to a hair treatment center. My hair is falling like crap. And then I walked to the mall, had to buy some imporant stuff.. it was just 20 minutes away.. really enjoyed that walk. I was just listening to music, humming along,.. I really enjoy walking among lots of people, observing them, listening to bits of their conversation while still being in my own little world. And feeling the wind on my face. I used to hate the pollution and the crowd. These days, I try not to mind the pollution and I enjoy the crowd! The cars all over the place, the tall, tall buildings.. people walking everywhere!.. jaywalking.. hahaha.

Last night, I realized I liked the song Pokerface by Lady GaGa. Which is so not me! O-o-ohhhhhh puhpuhpuhpokerfaceee! :P

Ah well I am so damn tired. Damnnn tired. I should go take a shower and then sleep. Have to go somewhere early tomorrow morning.

There was a guy I liked a few months ago. We usually just e-mail or chat online, but we got to meet once. Anyway it got really complicated and for a while, we weren't talking. I thought I stopped liking him already, but when we spoke again, I felt the same way. Well just yesterday, I decided to let him go. To set him free... to set myself free. And I was able to talk to him today, as a friend.. with no hard feelings, no romantic notions.. I know you can't just erase your feelings for someone with a snap of a finger, and that's why i won't deny that somewhere within my heart, I still have some feelings for him. But I think that, at the very least, I am on the way to completely not liking him romantically anymore.. which is great.. and I still get to keep him as a friend.. I really hate losing friends.

Anyway, lately, with all the people around me being in relationships, I've been feeling lonely. I've been feeling like I should have it too and that it's unfair that they have it and I don't. I can't help feeling jealous of them too (well this was obvious) -- I'm a very jealous person. All I can do is control my jealousy.. I know what everyone would probably tell me about it, that someday, someone will come along for me too and so I shouldn't be jealous.. Or that it's not as great as it seems.. Or my life is a different one from theirs.. Stuff like that. And the thing is, I really know all those things.. it's just that it's all so logical. My head understands it but my heart does not. Sometimes I really have to remind myself of all these things and not let myself get carried away.

I don't want to depend on someone to feel fulfilled, to be happy. And currently, I don't think I do, for the most part. Because even though it's something I'd really like to have, I still manage to be happy and fulfilled. I could never be happy in the long-run if this is how it's always gonna be though. Yes, yes, I know, I'm young -- only 21. Why am I worried?? There are lots of reasons but I guess it all comes down to me just wanting someone now.

Ah I'm sitting on the floor and my ass hurts. Anyway, I should go sleep.. I've got ACTBAS1 (Introduction to Basic Accounting - Part 1) and OBLICON (Obligations and Contracts) tomorrow... And the university debate organization, which I'm a member of, is holding a meeting. OMG! I just realized.. I'm supposed to research on euthanasia! It's supposed to be our debate topic tomorrow! Oh jeez. Ah, I know! I'll just read about it in the library during my break. :P

P.S. Aneev, if you're reading, please comment? :P I confessed things you might feel bad about. Sorry.. I know I lied. And as honest as you think I am, I really couldn't tell you the truth at that time..

A month or so ago, I introduced an online friend of mine to a band called Explosions in the Sky.. He got to really liking them.. Of course, I love them. When I listen to their music and I am in the right mood (i.e. reflective, contemplative), I always realize how incredible life is, what a journey we are all on, how it can be so sad, so happy.. Their tracks have no lyrics at all, but they say so much, it's so strange.. how can music speak to you like that? And these guys do it so well! How they compose it is beyond me. They must be really amazing.. these songs are filled with melodies. Words, you can feign.. you can make them flowery, poetic and tragic.. but melodies like this? You have to feel that way to create them.

From time to time, I rave about this band. It gets a little ridiculous.. but they just always strike a chord in me. :)

Look them up if you care to. One of my favorite tracks is this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzzMgD0nKII ... And yes, I am a Friday Night Lights fan.

Okay so this is my first post. A friend convinced me to keep a blog, so here I am.

Well I have two tests later on, so I'm gonna go study.

So much for my first post.